Poor Atwat....

[redisenchanted]

I know I'm a bit late to the subject but I wanted to pop in about the children with disabilities conversation.

I assist adults with mental retardation and/or developmental delays. I love my job. My guys live in a duplex and I come in for 10-12 hour shifts and help them with whatever they need. I have worked with people with violent behavioral issues, severe autism, cerebral palsy and other conditions. We work to help them find purpose in life and pursue it.

I worked with a guy with autism. He didn't speak and was very easily overwhelmed by other people. We discovered that he loved crushing aluminum cans and sort of helped him start his own business. We got containers and started collecting aluminum cans at our homes. He'd come over to our houses to pick up the cans, take them home, crush them and recycle them for a small amount of money. It was never a lot but it was a real job that he enjoyed and contributed to society.

I'm rambling. I just want to reassure you that there are caring people out there who will enjoy working with your child when they grow up. They will help them and they can have a full and meaningful adult life.

Back to lurking....

You're certainly full of win. I've worked with people with disabilities on and off for more than 30 years. It's so gratifying to help someone achieve their potential. I've learned not to assume anything about the future of any person with a given label. I love this article here:

http://autismforparents.wordpress.com/2006/05/08/24/

Being the parent of a child who isn't neurotypical (I love that term coined by autism activists) is tough, but just being a parent is tough anyway.

[Darqstar]

The only reason I say a any of this now is this- someone told me that he envies my son because he'll always have it "easy" and be able to "skate" through life. Believe it or not, I managed to not kill that person.

And this assclown says that your son has a problem?  It sounds like he's the one with the real problem.  How does he manage to function without a heart?

[gayle_afcb]

The only reason I say a any of this now is this- someone told me that he envies my son because he'll always have it "easy" and be able to "skate" through life. Believe it or not, I managed to not kill that person.

And this assclown says that your son has a problem?  It sounds like he's the one with the real problem.  How does he manage to function without a heart?

or a brain...

[hollekat]

I'm far from neuro-typical myself.

I'd personally like to smack anyone who thinks a person with a developmental disorder is anything more or less than a person.

My present client has cerebral palsy. He has almost no control over his body and cannot even talk, but he is college educated, kind and a total smart ass. He is also a fervent activist for the rights of the disabled and I have seen him attack assholes with his wheelchair, pinning them into walls. I'm sure he'd love to hear how easy his life is.

[SoggyFox]

That's my problem - few people would consider me nuerotypical [I hate PC titles.....according to them I'm also horizontally challenged [fat]] because I look at things pretty sideways.

But I certainly manage.  I don't manage well on my own, but that's fine because I'm not on my own.  I have a wonderful group of family/friends and the fact I can't seem to land anything better than a fastfood/restaurant job, even with my education doesn't matter.  Of course, most of that comes from being a sculpture major - a college education doesn't help much there, except if you get teaching credentials, and I never actually got my degree, those are out of the question.

Thing is, life is hard for most people, its not unique to someone who's different - but if most people actually got a clue, then maybe it wouldn't be as hard for someone who's different, because they wouldn't have idiots giving them extra to deal with.

[hollekat]

I feel more comfortable with my clients than I ever have with my peers. I don't really like people in general, but I can be myself around my clients. My social awkwardness and general weirdness help me understand their perspective. My odd way of thinking leads me to outside-the-box solutions to their needs where conventional thought has failed.

It's other peoples' bullshit that make my clients' lives difficult. Rarely does anyone address my guy with CP as a rational adult. One time at Mcdonald's, the manager told me it was ok for him to go into the playland area to watch the kids. Hello?! He is a 26 year-old man...watching other people's kids play is not amusing to him. He is neither an imbecile nor a pervert. Would you just randomly tell an adult man it is ok to go watch the kids play? It's absurd. There was no reason to assume he had any such desire.

[Paden]

They don't realize that there are functioning, often brilliant minds that occupy those bodies and it pisses me off so much. My brother suffered from Michado-Joseph disease for more than thirty fucking years, and it robbed him of everything except some rudimentary control which he used to manipulate a computer to make his thoughts known. He was in an exo-skeleton and wheelchair at the end, and it infuriated me that people assumed that he didn't understand  a damn thing they said.

My brother was a brilliant man. He was a terrific father. Bless the fates that he didn't pass that defective gene onto his children, but he was determined to be a normal functioning human being as long as he could. He was a small man, not much over five foot four inches tall, but he had the heart of a lion. He taught me a lot about standing up and saying, "Yes, I can," when someone would tell me that I couldn't do something.

People living outside of Portugal have probably never heard of this condition, unless they have ancestors from said country like my brother did. It is genetic, his father passed it to him. It is worse then MS. It turns a person in their first flush of maturity into an invalid over a period of years. From what I understand, my brother was the oldest living survivor of it. Yeah, I know it's nothing like what you guys have been discussing, but he got a lot of the same treatment that other people dish out to the autistic/ADHD/Ausbergers/CP. And it infuriates me because no matter what, those people are all entitled to human dignity.

[mustluvcatz]

I got lost reading all this, so....
To anyone who said something about the "assclown". Believe it or not, he's got a heart and a brain. And after I got done with him, he's got a lot better understanding of just how hard life really is for someone with mental and/or physical disabilities.

Paden: I wish your brother was still around so you could give him a hug for me. It sounds like he was a beautiful person. (Hope you understand what I mean- I'm soooo tired and can't think straight.)

[SoggyFox]

I try and treat everything with dignity - whether its human or not.  Because when it comes down to it, I think we make that assumption about anything that doesn't act 'normal' for a human, whatever the hell that is.

[Immortelle]

I've actually got Aspergers. It isn't obvious in me now, but as a kid I was apparently pretty  bad. 

My parents never told me until I was 23, so it was quite a shock to find out.  They didn't want me growing up with a label.  At school I would get picked on and stuff and I would never really understand why.  I am a pretty outgoing person, very cheerful with my worst trait being that I am a little loquacious.  You wouldn't describe me as being shy, or bereft of a sense of humour, either.  Over the years I've made a lot of social improvements.  I've got a bunch of pretty good friends, an active social life, and a husband who loves me.  No kids though, I've got PCOS to boot.

Thing is, life is hard for most people, its not unique to someone who's different - but if most people actually got a clue, then maybe it wouldn't be as hard for someone who's different, because they wouldn't have idiots giving them extra to deal with.

I agree.  The problem is, people in general have so little understanding or awareness of disabilities or mental illness.  To them, people with disabilities are 'retards', and those with mental illness are 'crazy' or 'loopy', and those labels are all that they will see, and whats worse, its all that they want to see.  People get surprised when I say I have a neurological condition because I'm not what people expect to see.  A lot of people would be surprised at the number of 'special' people or 'different' people are out there living very normal lives.  (Not us though, just look at The Sims Resource.  A whole Sims 2 site run by 'special' people )

[Darqstar]

I got lost reading all this, so....
To anyone who said something about the "assclown". Believe it or not, he's got a heart and a brain. And after I got done with him, he's got a lot better understanding of just how hard life really is for someone with mental and/or physical disabilities.

Forgive me if I was insulting someone you care about.  But I read what you wrote and it just floored me completely.  I worked with autistic kids in college, and I've worked with physically handicapped kids and adults before and I cannot believe anyone can have that attitude.

Me and several staff members of one place I worked, spent months teaching a kid how to tie his shoes.  He had a nerve disorder and almost all fine motor coordination was impossible for him.  Day after day, we worked with him, teaching him to tie his shoes. Finally, he got it and would tie his shoes every morning.  It would take him almost half an hour to do it, and sometimes he got it wrong, but he did it.  Every morning he woke up way before breakfast so he could tie his own shoes.   So he wouldn't have to wear slippers or loafers all the time.  

Yeah, that was someone who was skating through life.  *Snorts*  All he wanted was to be a normal person who could tie his own shoes and was willing to go through agravation every single day for that tiny peice of normalacy that the rest of us take for granted.  To me, this kid was a hero.  And forgive me, but it pisses me off that anyone could think that someone who has difficulty doing things we all take for granted is skating through life.   The whole purpose of helping people with disabilities is because they can't do the things we so-called "normal" folks can do.   Also, I've yet to see anyone on any form of disability living the life of Rilley.  At least in the US, they give you enough to survive and that's about it.  Most of the people I worked with would have sold their soul to be able to go to work every day, make their own money, and live their own lives.  They didn't want to take handouts, they wanted to contribute to society.  

You can tell a lot about a society by the way they treat those who are less fortunate.

[mustluvcatz]

BlackDwarf, don't worry about it. Seriously! He deserves to be insulted for having that attitude. Or should I say for having had that attitude? While I don't like what he said or agree with it, I actually understood where he was coming from at the time. Now, thanks to my tendency to bite when riled, he understands that my son doesn't have it easy and certainly isn't ever going to skate through life.

The shoe thing reminds me of a little guy who lives at the group home I worked at. He can't tie his shoes. So, every morning I was there, he'd walk up to me and put his foot up to get me to bend my leg- then he'd prop his foot on my knee and I'd tie his shoe(s). For some reason, that always made me smile.

[SoggyFox]

Tell me about how disability is barely enough.  I live with someone who even if he got his full alottment, could never live on his own.  Not because of his health problems, which are from severe diabetes, but because it isn't enough money.

[Devilfish]

Well, this sucks. My little sister just told my mother she wants to be just like me when she grows up and 'do nothing' and just 'go to that hotel' I'm always at.

Great, my sister thinks the loony bin is a hotel and her big sis enjoys a permanent vacation sitting on her fat arse and letting the nurses wait on me hand and foot. If anyone should know better it's her. Bleh. I knew I should've told her about the damn strigh jackets while she was still at an impressionable age. 

[littlemisspirate]

How old is your sister?  Because if she's anything like my little sister, I've gotten the impression she hates how much time and attention my parents have used on me.

Oddly enough, I was borderline for Asperger's as a child.  I even had the fascination with disasters - when I was in preschool, I'd read the paper and rattle off death counts to my teachers.  They actually questioned my parents about it, who then explained I read it myself.  But it's a struggle no matter where you fall on the scale - I know compared to many others with NLD or people on the autism spectrum I'm extremely high-functioning, but it's still hard when everyone expects you to be smarter and more successful than your peers, only to find out you're missing critical components to reach those goals.  Just a different set of issues, I guess.