MIKEY!!!

[Quinctia]

Sex is such a loaded word though.  It seems that society deems the generic term "sex" as the act which would cause you to lose your virginity, or get pregnant, so then that generic term doesn't necessarily refer to anything like oral sex or mutual masturbation.  However, those acts are most definitely sexual in nature.

So I'd be curious to know how the questions were worded in the first place.  Though, I'm different than a lot of people even my age--I always felt like something like oral is even more intimate than regular intercourse because you're getting very up close and personal!

...and any time you confront a parent with something like that, of course they're going to change their minds on the issue.  I think a lot of parents operate under plausible deniability when it comes to teens and their sex lives, or whether they go out drinking, and things like that.  Because on one level, a lot of them have experienced those things themselves and many don't think that they personally did anything wrong--but they hope their kids aren't.  And if they don't know their kids are, then they can make themselves believe that they're not.

Sort of like how you realize your grandparents had a sex life, but as long as you don't know they still have one, then they're living in a nice little G-rated world in your head, at least.  It's not necessarily the right way to go about uncomfortable things with your teen...but it's really common.

[scrappysim]

I defined sex to my children as any part of your genitalia touching any part of someones elses body or any part of their genetalia touching any part of yours.  I explained that any combination of these could result in transfer of an STD so whether it is genetalia to genetalia or not it is still sex.  I defined intercourse as what it is and said it a part sex but not only part.

I remember that story on dateline and I also remember using  it as one of those "teachable moments".  I remember a story also about teens who were having oral sex because they were trying to listen to their parents and not have sex so this was an alternative because no one had defined it as sex to them.  I think we sometimes stop short of giving kids all of the information they need because it gets uncomfortable for us (having to explain the concept of oral sex to my teenage daughters would fall into this category for sure-but I did it.)  or we take for granted that they know things that to us seem obvious but are definitely not things you are born knowing.

[simminggramma]

I had to laugh at that comment about honking the horn, Army Wife.  I raised four boys and their friends (both boys and girls alike) would come over and sit in the car and lay on that horn!  My husband or I would go to the door and yell at them "This isn't Sonic Burger and we DON'T do curb service!  Once was all it took for them to start coming to the door.

[AW]

I couldn't agree more.  I don't remember exactly how the questions were worded, but I remember the parents being very defensive of Clinton, until they heard their children's comments.  It really wasn't so much about Clinton, as it was the effects of media and important figures and role models that teens looked up to or admired and the fact that parents are unaware a lot of times how much their teens are exposed to and how they interpret the information.  

I too also think it is a much more intimate act, more so than intercourse.  I know many parents who are in complete denial about their kids, mainly because I have seen how their kids behave when they are not around.  My parents never talked to me or my brothers about any of these things, so luckily, I had a sister-in-law who did and explained a lot of things to me that I had a different perspective on.  But then again, my parents are very conservative and married right out of high school and have been married now for 49 years and were both virgins when they married.

[nekochanpurr]

Wow, lots more virgins than i thought.. I'm also one.. I have waited a long time, and will keep waiting till next year (i'm getting married! *^^*).  I will be 25.
I have dated my fiancee for 7 years.. Hehe, and we live together.. So its not always easy, but i know that my family would be disappointed in me, and even more important, i'd be disappointed in myself.
I agree with speaking straight forward with kids. My sister works at a daycare.. She mostly does the potty training age. All the time she tells me how the parents are shocked that they are saying 'penis and vagina' in front of the children! lol Then my sister has to calmly tell them 'well, thats what they are called.. Right?'

[Zazazu]

Some people rush into losing it, some people hold onto it. I was a rusher and always knew I would be, so I didn't allow myself to date until I was out of high school. Then I picked an easily dupable target (boys being so hung up about taking a girl's virginity) and got it out of the way. I have no self-control when it comes to sex, but I do know which end of the condom is which and have never relied on just that anyways. And I have this reverse-radar thing for taken boys, so I've never been the other woman. Of course, I pudged up approximately seven years ago, and fell hard for someone, so I've been a good little girl lately.

My one best friend had the choice to wait taken from her at an early age and the other waited until she was 28. Not a religious decision, she just wanted to wait for The One and it took them almost nine years from meeting each other to finally admit that they were gaga for each other  :roll: .

I believe in not having sex until you could feasibly take care of a kid on your own, without mommy & daddy's help, because you never truly know if you can count on them. Plus it's not their bad decision, was it? Even with precautions---multiple precautions---oopsies still can occur. Do I ever know that....I'm the only woman in my family in the last three generations who hasn't been pregnant by the age of 19.

[missangelica]

Babysitting nephews
Anyerfillag:  I have four sisters and I think we all have our different issues.  Initially I babysat because I could.  I was being home schooled at the time and had "all the time in the world" compared to my other sisters.  I did it to keep him out of day care and to bond with him.  I didn't realize it would take over my life as much as it has.  Also when he was a baby, the grandparents and everyone wanted to babysit so my days being responsible for him were few.  However, then he started to crawl and everyone bailed like they were escaping from a sinking ship.  I was the only one left.  Of all of his aunts, I'm the only one that has consistently been there for him.  Two of them don't even see him twice a year.  I'm frustrated at them for it but I can't control what they do.  All I can tell them is that they're missing out on a great nephew.  Time is passing rapidly and he's growing every day.  They missed out on so many moments while I saw him first walk, talk.. fed him a lot of his first foods..

We had our hands full already when my sister got pregnant again.  I had a fit.  Dad had to change his schedule to make his days off coincide with the days the boys needed to be taken care of because I refused to take care of both of them alone.  We have saved my sister thousands of dollars in day care.  She also doesn't provide food for them and being growing boys that they are they've eaten us out of "house and home" constantly.  She's only given us a few hundred dollars for groceries over this period of five years.  It doesn't help that her husband is such a hard ass that complains about what we do like giving them popsicles but then doesn't offer an alternative.  He's also tried to isolate my sister by trying to make her move to Chicago.  She's managed to placate him for a few years about it but we don't know when he will pull that one again.  As it stands now, she can't do it with our support for damn sure.

Calily:  When we were going through the whole moving mess and only had two days left to get completely moved out, my sister still wanted us to babysit the kids!!  When dad told her no, she wanted me to babysit the kids at her apartment!  I was just floored.  Oh, she also had the weekend off before the last two days and instead of helping us, she stayed home and read a book.

I want to make myself more unavailable but with not being in college atm, I have nowhere to "hide" essentially.  It's really sad.

About my not wanting to have children
My family mocks me often about it.  My mother didn't want to have anymore children after she had my oldest sister.  She got a "fixed" and still got pregnant four more times and gave birth to three more children.  After my youngest sister, who is pregnant now, my mother made dad go under the knife!

The only reason now I'm doubting whether or not I will have children is that my boyfriend is khmer.  His father has seven children and his father's siblings in turn all have seven children each.  I don't think I can be married to him without being impregnated!  The will to reproduce is just too strong in his bloodline!! :lol:  He says he'll be satisfied with three.  We'll see. :wink:

Pregnant Teen Sister
Quinctia:  My memory is vague but I don't think her doctor even wanted to give her an anti-botic but she insisted.  I remember her complaining about it.  Way to sabotage yourself, sis.

Armywife:  Yeah, she still hasn't learned her lesson.. through the miscarriage, subsequent pregnancy scares, and everything and she still didn't get it.  It's so weird because she is so smart academically.  She excelled in criminology, something that goes very far over my head.  That sort of science has a lot of cause and effect but when it comes to her sex life and relationships, she does not even try to apply it.  For years it has really felt to me that I can't save her from herself.  I can tell her over and over but she turns a deaf ear to it.  every damn time.

Teaching Children
It makes me cringe when a forty-five year old woman is still calling a penis a "pee pee".  It's really a symptom of a larger problem.  I'm all for age appropriateness as long as it is followed up later by the correct terms.  Pee pee is fine for two year olds but by six through eight I think they should know that it is a penis along with learning the rest of their body parts and organs and how they function.  Puberty comes shortly after that does all sorts of things to their bodies and if they don't know their body before that, how can they communicate to you how it feels different and what they need explained?  That's my take on it at least.

My mother is a nurse and was all for the biological disclosure, so to speak.  She made us watch the miracle of life every year after a certain age, don't remember when.  I think my nephews should watch it too when they're old enough.

Telling your parents everything
There's always a gray area between yourself and others.  In that gray area is stuff that wouldn't be beneficial for the other person to know about yourself.  I've seen my sisters tell my parents things that has actually hurt them unnecessarily.  On something important that I feel that they might not take well, I try to at least think it over for a day before telling them.  I've tried and you can't take back what you say.  :?

Sex
Well, I guess if you're just getting rammed up your cooch for a few minutes then it's all over that oral sex would be more intimate than that.  Otherwise I would hope that would not be the case. :lol:

[WedgewoodBlue]

Pooki--my heart and my prayers go out to you.
For years I yearned for a child, and after 2 miscarriages I was informed by the Doctors I would never again become pregnant. I had endometrosis quite badly by then, and eventually had to have a hysterectomy. To this day, I have recurring bouts of depression related to my loss.
I know the good Lord had his reasons for this, but I can't say as it has made my life enjoyable.
On the other hand I have been a step-parent, and that was an experience, although not one I'd care to repeat.

All this sex talk has me in stitches. My sex talk, when my step-mother decided I was ready for it--she gave me a phamplet printed by Kotex-yes I am that old, lol, and that was the entire extent of my knowledge. It took me 2 days to work up the courage to ask her what adolescent meant, I though it was a "bad" word. duh!
My step-son, at age 9 really got me. His mother had just become pregnant with her third child, and he asked me if he could ask me about it. So stupid me says sure, determined not to let him wallow in ignorance like I had. And this is what he said, "Ok, I already know all about sex, (really?) but what I can't figure out is when they did it. I'm always home, except for when I go to school, and then my mom is at work, so when did they do it?"
I'm telling ya, if we hadn't already been sitting on the living room floor, I would have fallen off my chair. But give me some credit, I told him the truth. I didn't know when they had done it either! lol
Oh that child never really understood the terrible picture he put in my head, his mom is grotesquely overweight. But he was right about knowing all about sex. We found out later that his mom and all of the boyfriends she has had discuss their sexual prowress and endeavors at the dining table. I suppose they considered that the proper way to sexually educate the kids. Excuse me, I have to go puke now.

[leilatigress]

My daughter's 4 and I only have her.  She sees me and my bf kiss and that is it.  We are extremely careful what she gets to watch and what we are looking at or seeing as I am just not ready for the questions a 4 year old will have about sex.  She has never asked me and I am not sure what I will tell her when we get there but I am sure it will be as close to the truth as possible depending on the age.  I have had the playing doctor talk to her though.  It is not acceptable under any circumstances for her to let anyone other then me see her naked.  When the kids ask her to lift up her shirt she now says no you are not my mommy or my doctor.  I wonder if I can get her to keep that attitude through teenhood? :lol:

[Pescado]

As far as the sex talks, apart from the sexualisation one, I never had them with my kids - I've answered them as they've come along.  So I've had mini-talks with them all their lives.  Like when they started using the word "bitch".  Their father told them it was a forbidden word, I told them it was a forbidden word, and when one called the other "a son of a bitch" in the other room  -  :lol: that kid almost regretted the day he was born - with mum running in screeching "What the fuck did you just call me?"  :lol: From that day on, if mentioned, it was "the b word" - and we had no problems when we told them that whore, slut, cunt were forbidden words after that.

That's funny, because that's precisely exactly the opposite of what I was taught. I was specifically used as a foulmouthed parrot to say the rude things that were not socially acceptable to say. Naturally, this has proceeded to backfire, in the sense that I rarely say anything particularly foul-mouthed now, and have been known to shock others when doing so because they're under the impression I never do.

As for the sexualisation talk, from when they were babies, we raised them with a critical eye for advertising.  Telling them about sugar early, and then showing the lies of "energy" is really a byword for sugar - and they use that to make sugar seem healthy.  We also showed them stuff like 99% fat free marshmallows, and discussed how much crap there is in these things.  Now, when they see cocopops recommended for energy, they automatically and very cynically say "Yeah, right."

But it's true! Those things *ARE* good for energy. All that sugar is a vital source of needed jet fuel. Of course, the problem is, most people don't actually need jet fuel. I, however, definitely need jet fuel.

[calalily]

That's funny, because that's precisely exactly the opposite of what I was taught. I was specifically used as a foulmouthed parrot to say the rude things that were not socially acceptable to say. Naturally, this has proceeded to backfire, in the sense that I rarely say anything particularly foul-mouthed now, and have been known to shock others when doing so because they're under the impression I never do.

I have no problem with other foul language - it's only when they get to the fifth time of saying "fuck" or "shit" at the playstation that I say anything.  Those particular epithets are a problem for me, as are words like the n word, other racial abuses, and words like faggot.

Anyway, Pes, I want my kids to grow up very very differently to how you turned out - great modder, but social skills?  I'd rather my children have those and have no need for copious amounts of weaponry - particularly as this isn't America, where one can get a grenade launcher with a Happy Meal.  :lol:

But it's true! Those things *ARE* good for energy. All that sugar is a vital source of needed jet fuel. Of course, the problem is, most people don't actually need jet fuel. I, however, definitely need jet fuel.

Agreed - they are good for energy - but they don't need jet fuel until they go to university, and in the mean time they're not suckered into the whole sugar craze.

[HawkGirl]

My daughter's 4 and I only have her.  She sees me and my bf kiss and that is it.  We are extremely careful what she gets to watch and what we are looking at or seeing as I am just not ready for the questions a 4 year old will have about sex.  She has never asked me and I am not sure what I will tell her when we get there but I am sure it will be as close to the truth as possible depending on the age.  I have had the playing doctor talk to her though.  It is not acceptable under any circumstances for her to let anyone other then me see her naked.  When the kids ask her to lift up her shirt she now says no you are not my mommy or my doctor.  I wonder if I can get her to keep that attitude through teenhood? :lol:

lol. My son asked me once when he was 4 if he could have a wife kiss. I said whats a wife kiss? Should have seen his imitation of his dad and I. I wouldn't kiss my husband in front of him for months, except a quick peck okay out the door with you now.

One thing I have never figured out though, you can sit there for months saying say please, say thank you. But first time they hear a swear word they have it downpat. When he was 2, I had this little Mustang convertible. We were looking for houses and I ended up on this dirt road in Yuma were we were living at the time. Big holes everywhere you couldn't get around them. I said forget it, I'm not going down this road they have it all "F" up. Never thought about it, it just slipped out. First thing he says to his dad as soon as he gets in the car? His dad said did you go look at that house? I said no. He said why? My son looks at his dad and goes I know why daddy!! I know why! He turns around looks at him and my precious child said, Cause they have it all "F" up. My husband sat there in shock, and I lost it.

[Paden]

Fuck, I must be going to the wrong Mikey D's! All they're giving away at the ones near me are the toys based on Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends! Dammit, I could have had something capable of stopping that motherfucker of a neighbor from starting up his lawn mower every Sunday morning at 7:30 and ruining what little sleep I get! *whines* Why do I never live near the right fast food joints? WHY, WHY, WHY???
Lol! J/k cala!