Lorelei over at MATY pretty much nailed who we are dealing with here.
Jim's email #3 is made of pwnage and win.
FIRE = BAD
YOU = UNAWARE OF FIREThat was my fave part, too, though the whole exchange reminded me of having to deal with EA support boobs in the past (I have a laptop with an NVidia card; EA determined that I would be unable to run Sims 2 on my lappy, and, obviously, they were wrong as I ran it before, and figured out later how to run it again).
Letter Exchange A:You: Hi! Happy EA customer, here. I can haz PROBLEM! Halp?
EA: Canned response that has little or nothing to do with your issue. Insinuation that PROBLEM is due entirely to user error.
Letter Exchange B:You: No. "PROB-LEM." Your response had little or nothing to do with my issue. Try again.
EA: Canned response that may or may not be relevant to the area in which problem may be occurring. Assertion that EA is there for you, the valued user.
Letter Exchange C:You: Yeah, hi again. PROBLEM has now lasted three days. I told you what I've tried, and took your canned advice, and the PROBLEM persists. May I speak to a human sometime this week, please? My time is valuable, too, and the robo-responses are clearly not helping.
EA: Patronizing canned response that attempts to soothe but only infuriates, and again has naught to do with actual issue, though they may have started to acknowledge it is possible their product may have a problem and that it is not a PEBKAC issue after all.
Letter Exchange D:You: Yeeeeeaaaaah. Hi. Person with PROBLEM here again. I tried your advice, as it may have been relevant in some magical way to the issue I was having and did not smugly assume I use a mouse as a foot pedal and a CD tray as a beverage holder, which is an improvement. Can we just assume I am not a total idiot and actually get a real human being to examine PROBLEM? KTHNXBAI.
EA: (OMG, a human!) Hi, human here. I do not speak English as my native tongue, and have no idea what the problem is, but PROBLEM correspondence has been routed to me. Please start from the beginning and tell me about PROBLEM.
Letter Exchange E:You: Exasperated but complete synopsis of PROBLEM and reasons why EA advice was EPIC FAIL, and a postscript venting your extreme aggravation and burgeoning ill will towards EA.
EA: (OMG! Still a human!) PROBLEM is Sony's fault, not EA's fault.
Letter Exchange F:You: Kindly explain why this is Sony's problem. Game worked fine with current configuration prior to new EP. Discuss, please.
EA: Canned response blaming Sony for everything. EA ARE GRAYT, IT ARE NOT EA FAULT, GO AWAY.
Letter Exchange G:You: Look, EA, you keep telling me it is impossible to run the game on my laptop, when it was running on the laptop six days ago. Then you blame Sony for PROBLEM and I suspect it's your own shitty programming and lack of useful beta-testing at fault. How much do you suck, exactly? Inquiring minds want to know.
EA: Canned response thanking you for being a swell customer.
Letter Exchange H:You: God damn it, EA. PROBLEM persists. WTF, man?
EA: (Human who does not speak English well.) Go ask Sony.
EA: Canned response thanking you for being a swell customer.
EA: Canned response suggesting you unplug your computer and then plug it back in.
EA: Canned response asking you to check if the power in your house is working.
EA: Canned response resolving a Madden Football issue. You don't own Madden Football.
EA: Canned BUY MOAR KEWL EA STUFF letter. (LOL WUT?)
EA:
Four responses closing single Support Desk ticket, as your problem has been determined to have been totally, like, resolved completely by the super helpful bright sparks at EA.
Letter Exchange I:You: Impolite ALL CAPS suggestion that EA commit self-fornication with its own backside at the earliest opportunity. Exclamation points! Exclamation points!!
EA: Canned response thanking you for being a swell customer.
You:
*break something, eat a candy bar, say bad words*Letter Exchange 1:You: Dear Sony, I have a PROBLEM and EA says it's your fault.
Sony: EA sucks dong, and it is their fault, but we have had to resolve EA's fuck-up for them, since they keep sending thousands of angry people to us. Try this.
Letter Exchange 2:You: Sony, I have to give you credit for fixing EA's stupidity. Your solution worked right the first time. Your SecuROM thing is still balls, but your service is far superior. You win a cookie.
Sony: Human sends response thanking you for being a swell customer. It sounds sincere. Go figure.