More Smutty Than You: TSR's Hall of Shame

[glasscigarette]

That is waaay more work than I can handle when I just need to take a shit. 

[Dr House]

Encouragements coming from a university writing tutor, gee! thanks glasscigarette I made huge improvements since i joined the forum but it's still hard and tedious. I always check my posts several times but i re-read the faults as correct words! AGH plus i'm dyslexic

Jess Maree, that's the most horrible camping story i've read. A spider & a scorpion in the total dark! It must have been a nightmare. I too always loathed camping, walls are our friends! That also goes for the floor and real toilets: a must-have, definetly. Why bother? I love nature but hate the idea of sleeping in it, Ew! And hate the idea of having to use the camping's so called "toilets" *ironic quotes* Digging a hole to poo is way better and even more hygienic.

falln_angel, faking a limp?! Arg! No, cannot do. I'ld find that disrepectful but hey, i'm really too kind. That's what a friend used to say all the time. Never believed him at that time, but now i understand he was right.

[cookiepirate]

falln_angel, faking a limp?! Arg! No, cannot do. I'ld find that disrepectful but hey, i'm really too kind. That's what a friend used to say all the time. Never believed him at that time, but now i understand he was right.

Just use the "I'm sorry, I'm from fill in your country's name, and don't understand the language of the country your visiting and didn't realize this was for the disabled only, until it was too late".  Be sure to look appropriately apologetic.  If they don't understand whatever language you are talking to them in, most will just smile and nod (I know, I do that all the time when someone speaks dutch to me and I just can't keep up with it....Smile And Nod, Smile And Nod!).

fake edit:  <----- 200th Post!!  Yeah ME!!!!

[Feverish]

The idea of miracle is good but missing the walking cane or the wheelchair is a flaw. Yet you have time to run away during the confusion! I felt so ashamed that day, 'was horrible. Agh!

My distraction method would be to point in the opposite direction and yell "omg, it's Senator Craig" and then run like hell. That would probably only work in an American mens restroom though. http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/08/28/craig.arrest/

[Dr House]

Cookie That's an awesome idea, pretending to be a lost tourist is ingenious

[Kragey]

I didn't know you were German, Kragey! I love Germans! I'd eat in your toilet any day.

Wait. That came out wrong.

Now that's precious!

Technically, half-German. (But you're still invited to eat in my toilet.  )My mother's side, and they are FIERCELY proud about their country...yes, including the toilets. They are fiercely proud of their superclean toilets.

I honestly think it has a lot to do with the shame they feel over Germany's WWII discretions. They're proud about everything they do that's healthy and sane (not that I'm complaining).

Most Germans prefer to use their own toilet--who doesn't?--but yeah, Germans will use the Superclean Toilets of Wonder, too. Anything you can pee in. XD

[CaptainChris]

You know what toilets I hate? Toilets in camping grounds. Srsly. And those "eco-friendly" terlets, AKA holes in the ground. I hate camping anyways, but going to the terlet block in the middle of the night scares the shit outta me. When I was a kid, I went to the terlet block one night when we went camping in Kakadu (back when I lived in Darwin) and when I got there my torch died, a giant spider almost bit my arse and a giant, black, hairy spider crawled up me legs and onto my lap.

There is the story of my fear of spiders, hatred of camping and somewhat fear of the dark. I was only 6 in Pescado years...

There's a few of those hippy terletts here in Perth. Being a guy, its a bit revolting standing there to pee and looking down the hole to see like years of....I'm not continuing that sentence.

Dr House, I didn't realise English wasn't your native tongue.

[Lirael]

I live in country Queensland, I wont even say what the toilets around here are like, No-one will ever visit again! 
And has anyone used the ones on the Strand in Townsville? stainless steel toilets..........very very very low to the ground, so not only do you have a freezing bum, but your almost sitting in the water 

Ok I have a question. I was in Australia a couple of years ago and they warned me that when I go to the bathroom (the outsidish ones mainly),  I should always check to make sure there were no Red Back spiders hanging around. Which of course just made me totally retentive for a month. It that true or were they just taking the piss?

True around here, not so much in the civilized area's

You're just lucky that the dropbears didn't get you. 

Oh yes! Watch them dropbears! 

[kenmtl]

Ok I'll bite, dropbears are,   a: furry little creatures that steal your camera and take naughty pictures of themselves
                                       b: carnivorous species of sand dwelling marsupials
                                       c: overfed hairy drunk cricket fans
                                       d: something else I'm probably glad I didn't know about at the time

[uknortherner]

Ok I'll bite, dropbears are,   a: furry little creatures that steal your camera and take naughty pictures of themselves
                                       b: carnivorous species of sand dwelling marsupials
                                       c: overfed hairy drunk cricket fans
                                       d: something else I'm probably glad I didn't know about at the time

You've met the Barmy Army then?

Actually that brings me to another point - Australian hospitality. When you're the only Englishman in the pub, populated by 40+ Aussie cricket fans, and you've just watched that useless shitty side England throw away the Ashes yet again, it was surprising how many beers I was offered as consolation! It sort of overcame the embarrassment somewhat...

[strix]

I live in country Queensland, I wont even say what the toilets around here are like, No-one will ever visit again! 
And has anyone used the ones on the Strand in Townsville? stainless steel toilets..........very very very low to the ground, so not only do you have a freezing bum, but your almost sitting in the water 

OMG yes, I hate those with a passion. I'm very tall too, so I was almost gnawing my kneecaps!

[Paden]

Wouldn't it figure that one area where we short people have the advantage over you taller folks would be in the crapper? It's not fair, it really isn't... But I bet to make up for it, they mount the sinks absurdly high...

[glasscigarette]

*pictures a dirty Paden sitting under a 12 foot sink, sobbing and swearing*

[Paden]

Nah, being feline I would just jump up the basin and do my thing in there, less chance of falling in. Then I'd jump across to the other one and knock the spigot on to get a drink and leave when I'd had my fill.

[calalily]

Ok I'll bite, dropbears are,   a: furry little creatures that steal your camera and take naughty pictures of themselves
                                       b: carnivorous species of sand dwelling marsupials
                                       c: overfed hairy drunk cricket fans
                                       d: something else I'm probably glad I didn't know about at the time

They drop out of trees at night and maul you - hence dropbears.  They look like koalas, so odds are you came across them - you just didn't know it.

Actually that brings me to another point - Australian hospitality. When you're the only Englishman in the pub, populated by 40+ Aussie cricket fans, and you've just watched that useless shitty side England throw away the Ashes yet again, it was surprising how many beers I was offered as consolation! It sort of overcame the embarrassment somewhat...

Much beer is offered.  Soothes the soul.