Poor Atwat....

[calalily]

And the last thing I remember exactly what it said: "Be aware of your surroundings. It's better to be paranoid than dead."

This does not sound like a police study - sounds like a fact sheet.

She said she was embarassed, but even more embarassed for waiting until grandma died to mention it. Why do you think that is?

Why do you think it is - because complete jerks like you make light of men as being nothing more than penises on legs (ha! of course he had a go - she's a woman isn't she - I'll stick my dick anywhere) and because you talk about this casually as if you've never heard that other people have things like feelings.  Your mother was embarassed about it because she was raped by her father for goodness sake - have you no empathy for what that must feel like? I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you as you have the emotional depth of a tadpole -  I mean seriously what the fuck is wrong with you? Your mother was raped by her father and was trapped in a house with him for at least another couple of days/weeks/months/years - and had no one to talk to about this, and worse still, even her own family don't understand what she went through, and talk about it casually on a forum like it's nothing.

And by the way, you may think that you're being all cool, calm and emo, but really, you're coming off as an insensitive egocentric jerk with the emotional maturity of a toddler. 

[Dita]

I hardly ever post here but I can't shut up on this one.

Rapes mainly occur at night, in parking lots or any deserted dark area.

Complete crap! Rapes mainly occur within victims' circle of friends and/or family, not by strangers jumping out of a bush at night. As a woman, you're most at risk from your own partner. I know that sounds horrible, but unfortunately it's true. And the real 'fun' thing about this fact is that a lot of people won't even accept that it's still rape if you happen to be in a relationship with the asshole who abuses you! No, I'm not so pissed off because it's happened to me - it hasn't thank goodness. But I know people.

As for the shame part: Might the common assumption that women are just 'asking for it' because of how they dress/talk/behave have something to do with it? Or basically having to 'prove' that you were raped and haven't just 'changed your mind'? You know, I remember spending a morning at a police station with a friend. They asked her the most disrespectful questions, justifying everything with "you know, some people make such claims". I couldn't help but wonder if they'd be asking that after her home just got burgled. Conviction rates for rape are outrageously low.

Edit:

Why do you think it is - because complete jerks like you make light of men as being nothing more than penises on legs (ha! of course he had a go - she's a woman isn't she - I'll stick my dick anywhere) and because you talk about this casually as if you've never heard that other people have things like feelings.

Thanks! Couldn't agree more!

[Sheyza]

Of course I feel bad for her. I wasn't saying what I did to hurt anyone or because I'm insensitive. I was just wondering why she waited until my grandma was dead to mention it to anyone. You missunderstood me. I guess the emotional tradgedy of grandma dying brought it out of her, hell, I don't really know. Sorry if I offended you somehow, if you were ever raped.

And Dita, you make a good point. Actually, most of the rapes I've heard of have been by family members, friends, etc... I just wrote in what the 'police' study said. This was sent to me, I didn't write it.

[Ensign EO]

Because your grandmother was married to him.  If your grandmother didn't know about it, your mother probably didn't want to tell her that her husband raped his daughter.  It can be very difficult to admit things to a parent, and given the circumstances, I can see how difficult it could be for her.

[calalily]

Of course I feel bad for her. I wasn't saying what I did to hurt anyone or because I'm insensitive. I was just wondering why she waited until my grandma was dead to mention it to anyone. You missunderstood me. I guess the emotional tradgedy of grandma dying brought it out of her, hell, I don't really know. Sorry if I offended you somehow, if you were ever raped.

I don't have to have been raped to find what you said offensive.  I actually understand the feelings of others - ie that they have them and that I don't treat things as flippantly as you do. I find it offensive for all the silent lurkers who will read this and wonder what the fuck is wrong with you, or worse, what the fuck is wrong with them.

Whether you were meaning to be insensitive, or just plain are insensitive matters not.  You certainly write like an insensitive jerk, and you certainly don't understand others feelings without the prism of "it hasn't happened to me".  If you had one ounce of empathy you wouldn't write things like this:

I was just wondering why she waited until my grandma was dead to mention it to anyone.

I guess the emotional tradgedy of grandma dying brought it out of her, hell, I don't really know.

Sorry if I offended you somehow, if you were ever raped.

And by the way, that lack of personal information that you give out online that you so boldly proclaimed a couple of pages back - you've just given a whole lot of highly personal information out even if you don't mention names.

[SnarkyShark]

Of course I feel bad for her. I wasn't saying what I did to hurt anyone or because I'm insensitive. I was just wondering why she waited until my grandma was dead to mention it to anyone.

Possibly to keep peace in the family. Also, it's not uncommon for many women to put the well-being of other family members before their own, so maybe she thought she was shielding her own mother. Or, like Dita pointed out, she could have been afraid of being held responsible. Maybe it was a combination of all these things. I don't know. All anyone can do here is guess. If you really want an answer you should be asking her and not random strangers on the internet.

[Dita]

I don't have to have been raped to find what you said offensive.  I actually understand the feelings of others - ie that they have them and that I don't treat things as flippantly as you do. I find it offensive for all the silent lurkers who will read this and wonder what the fuck is wrong with you, or worse, what the fuck is wrong with them.

That would be me - as said before: I don't post here much. Except I don't think there's anything wrong with me. There are no excuses for screwing up on this issue in my book, I know I'm not wrong, no matter what the penis owners of this world wish to believe.

Also, it's not uncommon for many women to put the well-being of other family members before their own, so maybe she thought she was shielding her own mother. Or, like Dita pointed out, she could have been afraid of being held responsible.

Just like we're supposed to! Thank you very much, dear men, for allowing us to breathe and to do random stuff like getting pissed of about something on a forum somewhere in between pleasing you! You know, I could puke at the very idea that women are expected to think that way!

[Ash Redfern]

And a woman raping a man? Oral against his will? Not to be perverted, but what guy would turn that down??? lol

It is called standards. Male does not equal mindless pervert.  It is rather annoying to hear such jokes about how guys would pretty much do any female, negating actual important matters that many guys actually do care about, such as actually being in love with the individual one is being intimate with.

Rather talented to insult both males and females within just a few posts of each other.

[Zillah]

Of course I feel bad for her. I wasn't saying what I did to hurt anyone or because I'm insensitive. I was just wondering why she waited until my grandma was dead to mention it to anyone. You missunderstood me. I guess the emotional tradgedy of grandma dying brought it out of her, hell, I don't really know. Sorry if I offended you somehow, if you were ever raped.

Get a clue

http://www.coolnurse.com/sexual_abuse_adult.htm

http://www.stopitnow.com/s2_survi.html

[missangelica]

And by the way, that lack of personal information that you give out online that you so boldly proclaimed a couple of pages back - you've just given a whole lot of highly personal information out even if you don't mention names.

Heh, he doesn't give out personal information about himself but people, namely family, and animals around him seem to be ok to dish on.  :/

[Sheyza]

Well... see now this is where her situation gets very strange...

She had a very strained relationship with her mom, both step and biological. Her and my aunt though, were very very close. Some would think she might confide in her sister, since telling her mother would split up the family... but she chose not to. I think it was so her sister didn't think badly of their father. So she wouldn't be afraid of it hapening to her. My mom took care of my aunt, because their parents wouldn't. Sometimes all they would get to eat was raw flour... and if she asked her dad for a peice of meat that the adults were eating, he would smack her across the floor.

I'm very thankful to my mom for giving me a better life than that. For giving her sister a better life. You see, that same year is when she met my dad, and never looked back. She married my dad, a now retired Marine, at 16 and had my eldest brother. She's a brilliant, and brave woman. I couldn't ask for a better mom. She survived through alot of things most women would crumble over, and she's always made sure none of us ever wanted for anything... and now since they're old and my brothers won't step up and help, I'm paying them back for all the good they've done for me. Instead of running off like my brothers, I'm staying around to take care of them. They're both dissabled. My dad actually is dying of throat cancer... so I'm by no means emotionless... believe me. I'm still a teen, having to watch both of my parents die, and take care of my little brother. I care for them.

[Tabby]

   Most women and men who experience this horrible crime are made to feel like it is their fault. Like some how they did something wrong. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or having a piece of shit for a father, are all excuse that people have used. "If she didn't have that skirt on, she wouldn't have made all the men horny. She was asking for it.", or something completely idiotic like "He's a man, so he must have liked it. Hell, it was free sex!" Even if a person does change their mind, right before he puts it in, it would still be rape. Once you say no, if you are fortunate enough to be able too, they should stop. No matter their gender.

   The problem your mother probably had, is that no matter what kind of dick head your grandfather was, he was still her father. There is an absurd amount of shame and mixed feelings that comes along with being abused by someone who was supposed to protect you from such things. If he was as abusive as you are making him out to be, your grandmother probably wouldn't have left him anyway. Be it shame, disbelief or fear, the likely hood that she would have done anything is low. Most women in that situation are being abused themselves, and for whatever reason they feel if they take the brunt of it; then the abuser will leave the children alone. 

   I personally found your comments offensive not only as an abuse survivor, but as a human being. Your mother has been victimized enough, stop talking about her personal trials on the internet. I understand you are a teenager, and you probably don't have a bunch of experience with tact, but this is not something that should be discussed publicly. If you need to talk about your issues, feel free to PM me, but I think you should let this little incident die and talk about bad paysite finds or something.

[calalily]

That would be me - as said before: I don't post here much. Except I don't think there's anything wrong with me.

I've read the posts of many women who think there's something wrong with them - for their whole lives, and reading stupid shit on the internet placed there with no thought by insensitive dickheads just makes it worse.  

It is called standards. Male does not equal mindless pervert.  It is rather annoying to hear such jokes about how guys would pretty much do any female, negating actual important matters that many guys actually do care about, such as actually being in love with the individual one is being intimate with.

I heart you Ash.   Most of the guys here are good examples of men not being mindless perverts - but most intelligent men anywhere won't reduce themselves to a walking penis either - so there's plenty in the wide world.

Heh, he doesn't give out personal information about himself but people, namely family, and animals around him seem to be ok to dish on.  :/

And lots of it.

I'm very thankful to my mom for giving me a better life than that. For giving her sister a better life. You see, that same year is when she met my dad, and never looked back. She married my dad, a now retired Marine, at 16 and had my eldest brother. She's a brilliant, and brave woman. I couldn't ask for a better mom. She survived through alot of things most women would crumble over, and she's always made sure none of us ever wanted for anything... and now since they're old and my brothers won't step up and help, I'm paying them back for all the good they've done for me. Instead of running off like my brothers, I'm staying around to take care of them. They're both dissabled. My dad actually is dying of throat cancer... so I'm by no means emotionless... believe me. I'm still a teen, having to watch both of my parents die, and take care of my little brother. I care for them.

If you hope to garner sympathy for that and hope to have us ignore your insensitivity, you're wrong.  I've been there, and done that - and had lost both of my parents by the time I was 23 - by which time I had two kids. The fact is that most of that is about your plight - not your parents.  And since you seem to have little understanding of the issues, then you don't know what most women would crumble over.  The fact that you are an egocentric teen is glaringly obvious without you having to tell us.

[Feverish]

Anyone know of any good dandruff solution?

[Dita]

I'm very thankful to my mom for giving me a better life than that. For giving her sister a better life. You see, that same year is when she met my dad, and never looked back.

You see, I don't know your mom but I severely doubt that she never looked back. Experiences like these tend to haunt people for years if not forever! As I said before: I'm glad I have no personal experience of rape - but I know more than enough people who do. My roomie was raped when I was in my early twenties. I was the one who picked her up from where it happened, the one who went through everything with her.

And then years later she apologized to me for 'putting me through this'. She felt sorry for me, not herself! I never even felt as though I was going through anything. And I certainly don't think I'd have had a better life if she'd suffered in silence. I just hate how women are basically expected always to put the interests of everyone and the neighbour's dog before their own - even when they clearly need to put themselves first for a change. Basically we're being lauded for treating ourselves like shit after others have done so. No thanks! [insert pukey smiley here]

That would be me - as said before: I don't post here much. Except I don't think there's anything wrong with me.

I've read the posts of many women who think there's something wrong with them - for their whole lives, and reading stupid shit on the internet placed there with no thought by insensitive dickheads just makes it worse.

Same here! Which is why I'm sufficiently pissed off to stop lurking right now.


And as for the dandruff: Rinsing with vinegar says my mom. And mom always knows best!