Exnem seems to have left the building

[Lilyroseisapirate]

that fucker was fun to vote for, plus i like to swear, lol!

[vermillionclouds]

Capucine, that is a horrifying picture. I'm tempted to save it and show it to my boyfriend just so he can witness the horror. And I really need to go and actually READ the books in that game instead of rummaging the shelves insearch of one that'll give me skill points. BARBED penis?! How does that work? Would they be sharp pointy barbs or rounded ones like on those scary condoms?

Wait... Why the hell am I asking this? Where's the rum?

[pixelated]

I didn't think the naked orc was that bad. Rawr.

... I'm such a geek it's not even funny. :<

[Capucine]

BARBED penis?! How does that work? Would they be sharp pointy barbs or rounded ones like on those scary condoms?

Well, the Khajiit are the cat-people of the Elder Scrolls universe, and since cats are notorious for making a racket during sex... That should tell you all you need to know.

Ahh... The time when inter-species soft-porn was acceptable in commercial computer games... Daggerfall was rated around the equivalent of a Teen-rated game, 11+ would you believe!

Part 4

They settled into Rifton for the winter, taking a cheap room in the slums. Barenziah joined the Thieves' Guild, knowing there would be trouble if she were caught free-lancing. One day in the barroom she caught the eye of a known member of the guild, a bold young Khajiit named Therris. She offered to bed with him if he would sponsor her for membership. He looked her over, grinning, and agreed, but said she'd still have to pass a test.

"What sort of test?"

"Ah," Therris said. "Payment first, sweet thing." He put an arm around her, leaned over and kissed her, thrusting his tongue deep into her mouth and his free hand into her shirt.

"Nice," he said presently, withdrawing his tongue, but not his hand. His other hand slid down inside her waistband and fondled her buttocks.

"Let's go upstairs. We can use my room," Barenziah felt both embarassed and excited by his boldness.

Therris grinned insolently. "Why bother? You want me, don't you? I'll bet you'd pay me, wouldn't you?"

"No," Barenziah said. She did want him, but not that badly.

"No? Well, a bargain's a bargain and Therris keeps his word. But here. Now." He hiked her skirt up and pulled her onto his lap so she sat astride, facing him. He opened her shirt and pulled it down on her shoulders so that her breasts were exposed.

"Nice pair, kid." She was facing the wall but she could feel the stares of the other patrons. A hush had fallen over the place. Even the bard had stilled. She felt both nausea and a hot burning desire. Her hands released his turgid penis and then it was inside her and she was screaming in both pain and ecstasy. Then everything went black.

When she came to herself again she was sitting beside Therris, who was buttoning her shirt. "That hurt!" she said indignantly.

"Always does, kid. Didn't anyone ever tell you about Khajiit men? It hurts good though, now doesn't it?" Barenziah scowled at him. She was still smarting. His penis had tiny little barbs on it.

"Well, the deal's off, if you like," he shrugged.

"No, I didn't say that. Only I prefer privacy, and I want to wait awhile, like a day or so before the next time."

Therris laughed. "You're OK, kid."

Too much information? :lol:

[vermillionclouds]

I am speechless. :shock:

[Duckie]

I am speechless. :shock:

I think that was the aim...  :lol:

[Jojoba]

Capucine, what the heck is that? Please say that you made that up... :shock:

[Capucine]

Capucine, what the heck is that? Please say that you made that up... :shock:

A 'tantalising' extract from a book from Daggerfall (a previous Elder Scrolls game from the mid-nineties) I linked too earlier - The Real Barenziah. Sorry if it offended your sensibilities

[Jojoba]

Right...well, if you are going to write orc soft porn with barbed penises in it, it may as well be good. And that was bad. I am going to complain!

[Capucine]

Right...well, if you are going to write orc soft porn with barbed penises in it, it may as well be good. And that was bad. I am going to complain!

Haha I know, I'm just amazed on how that got into a game that was rated for children. :wink: Thought it might provide a laugh or two.

[Jojoba]

Traumatizing kids with shit orc porn will only have one outcome - they will become a pirate!! Yarr!!  :wink:

[Captain Feathersword]

If it's for a good cause, what are you complaining about.
 :x  arrr (That's the closest we have to an ARR smilie. Grr)

[Marhis]

Years ago I had an orc character on a MUD, and she married another orc. I still remember the fine ceremony and the honeymoon, would you like to hear the story with details?  :lol:

[Pescado]

A 'tantalising' extract from a book from Daggerfall (a previous Elder Scrolls game from the mid-nineties) I linked too earlier - The Real Barenziah. Sorry if it offended your sensibilities

Was that part of the actual game, or is that fanporn?

[Capucine]

Was that part of the actual game, or is that fanporn?

Yup, that was in the game. Maybe one of the rarer books, but you could buy it in the bookshops in the towns or find it as loot. The book was also in Morrowind, but with that certain section edited out. I think that was the day Bethesda lost their way. :lol:

Years ago I had an orc character on a MUD, and she married another orc. I still remember the fine ceremony and the honeymoon, would you like to hear the story with details?  :lol:

I do hope he was as... blessed as that orc gentleman was :wink: