Kids don't actually become self-aware until they're about 2 or 3 (I may be a little off on the age here, I'd have to check), so asking them what they want is just pointless. They don't know. They have no concept of self, they can't make a distinction between themselves and the rest of the world. That barrier between 'me' and 'all the rest' only comes into play after a couple of years. It's when a kids stop referring to themselves by their name that they start understanding that they are seperate from other people and the rest of the world, and not really on a cognitive level either. They just start feeling like seperate beings. 'Tommy sad' becoms 'I am sad'. It's a pretty huge milestone for kids, one that's often overlooked or ignored. Once a kid starts referring to him- or herself in the first person, that's when they're beginning to develop the capacity to make choices, which is a pretty long process. Before that, asking them what they want serves no point whatsoever. The concept of choice is 100% alien to them.
I have to disagree. I have a 2 year old and a ten year old. At any early age, both of them were fully capable of making decisions. Do you want this or that? Which toy would you like to take? What shirt would you like to wear? They may not be mind-blowing choices, but they are choices none-the-less.
And as for the not realizing themselves as a separate person, I can't agree with that either.
I think you don't give the little guys enough credit. Eli knows full well he's Eli and not mommy. Maybe I'm not understanding your statements fully, but what I'm getting from them just doesn't swing with my personal experiences.
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PMBD
Enjoy.
