More Smutty Than You: TSR's Hall of Shame

[dusdeedawn]

I don't actually know if I want kids or not.  I'm probably infertal so meh

I understand if it's personal, but why probably? Are there, like, certain clues, or is just not getting pregnant a clue? 'Cause I've been wondering about that.

[Darqstar]

Adoption is an awesome solution if you're willing to go for an older child.  When my husband and I looked into it, we found that if you go to Social Services and say, "Hey, gimmie one that's 12 -16, I only wanna have 'em for a few years, then BANG make 'em leave!"  They'll fall over themselves to help you.

 No, I exaggerate, but I did tell one social worker at a party once that "I'd consider adopting an older child, because babies freak me out and  I just can't deal with them."  I waited for the "How can you SAY that!" remark that usually follows, but instead she gave me a card and said, "We have lots of children from ages 4 and up, that we'd love to find homes for.  If you're willing to take a child that has any physical or mental handicaps, you can even get money every month from the government."   Which struck me as a broad hint to, "Adopt Kids! Make Money!" 

I assume that since she and I hung in similar social situations, she figured I had to be a decent enough person, and probably had been told my reputation of being "Absolutely hilariously funny," that people seem to conclude about me, when I tell people things that most won't admit to.  I also figured that if I had shown a whole lot of interest, a complete mental and physical exam of my husband and I would have been done, along with some checking into our background, before they decided we'd make good parents.   But honestly, I did get the feeling that instead of being a champion for children, this woman was being more of a used car salesman.  "Sure, she's an older one, but she's still in good shape!"   

Babies on the other hand, are a lot harder to come by.  Most people want a baby.  They figure the younger it is, the more they can influence the kid, the more they can mold it and make it "their" baby.   

I'm adopted.  I was adopted at 3 months old, so nope, I don't remember what it was like in the Foundling home, I don't remember the nice volunteers that took care of the babies that my parents used to tell me and my brother about, so we'd realize that nope, we weren't found in the trash, or abused.   They told my parents when they came to take me for a test drive that I was a quiet baby that wasn't demanding or clingy, but instead, seemed to enjoy my own company.  I'm amazed my parents took me, because that sounds to me like the description of a future serial killer. 

But, maybe because of the age I was born into,  or maybe because like attracts like, most of the folks I know in my age bracket that are adopted, have issues and a lot of us have some hidden anger.  Mine isn't hidden very well, I admit it.  Someone says to me, "So, you know who your REAL parents are?"  I just fix them with that look and say, "Oh, vs. the FAKE parents who raised me from the age of 3 months on?  The FAKE parents who sat up with me when I was sick, who put up with me through various problems and when I went through that obnoxious teenage stage?  Nope, sorry, I don't know who my REAL parents are.  I figured when they gave me up, they really weren't really interested in having me show up at any family reunions.

The point?  Adoption is thrown around as a fast solution, but in truth, it's never something to be undertaken casually. There are issues that people would never consider that can happen when a kid is adopted.  Outside influences. 

I admire, love, and respect my parents so much.  They are awesome people.  But I know for fact that some of the things that happened to me and my brother, as a direct result of being adopted, caused for some really difficult problems in our family.  Not that birth kids are a garentee of sunshine and lollypops either, but there are issues in being adopted that don't come up in a family where all the kids are birth kids. 

[Tarlia]

A friend saw Watchman opening weekend and there were 4 and 6 year old children there.  Parents who couldn't wait, and couldn't afford a sitter[but they could a movie ticket?!]

Ugh, there were two 6s (around 10-11 years old, I'd imagine) sitting next to me and my husband when we saw Watchmen, too. Made me feel rather uncomfortable. The two young men who were with them (fathers? older brothers?) didn't seem to be the most intelligent individuals I've met, though.

[SoggyFox]

I know alot of people who've been adopted, and a few who've given up children for adoption.  The general consensus is that the people doing the raising are certainly more the parents than the ones who gave birth, but I do feel that there is some connection there, even without the raising.  I'd guess a lot depends on the circumstances.

Me, I'd be perfectly willing to adopt a child instead of a baby.  I would like to provide a good home, nurture and teach.  I do not need to start with a baby for that.

[Lilwen]

If I was going to adopt, I would prefer an older child then a baby or toddler.Not really into the baby/ toddler stage of life,I much prefer school age children.

[Darqstar]

I know alot of people who've been adopted, and a few who've given up children for adoption.  The general consensus is that the people doing the raising are certainly more the parents than the ones who gave birth, but I do feel that there is some connection there, even without the raising.  I'd guess a lot depends on the circumstances.

Me, I'd be perfectly willing to adopt a child instead of a baby.  I would like to provide a good home, nurture and teach.  I do not need to start with a baby for that.

I'm with you.  If we had an apartment with proper doors (Our apartment is disgustingly cheap, which is why we won't move.  But, instead of real doors, we have blankets or those horrible cheap accordian doors that are useless.) we'd be foster parents for kids probably 8 and up.  (No younger, that's for sure) 

[pickles]

  My grandparents are actually my mom's foster parents. She was 15 when her parents both had to go to hospitals and my grandparents took her in. They are super awesome, wonderful people and I love them very much. It's also funny, but whenever we'd go out with them, people would say "Are these your grandkids? Oh my gosh they have your eyes! "
  Not that I love my biological grandparents any less. I think I have room to care for my whole family 



... except grandpa's little Jack Russell. MAN that dog is an annoying little shit.

[CatOfWar]

Aw, Darqstar, don't ruin my fantasy!   Since I was a preteen and was told my body is capable of pregnancy, I've wanted to adopt.  I really don't want to be pregnant nor give birth, and am not drawn to babies nor toddlers.  When I was younger, I thought "Eh, I'll just adopt a 5 year old when I want a child".  I *like* 5 year olds.  Old enough to talk and *empathize*, young enough to still listen to you.  Now that I'm older, I realize an older child will have a harder time bonding with new parents.  He or she may have gone through trauma I don't know about and may not be prepared to help the child cope with.  My husband would really like to have a biological child with me.  He thinks my genes are worth passing on, the big sweetie.  A family member of his had both biological and adopted children.  She says it was quite different.  When younger, I was sure I would not want more than one kid, if any.  Now I wouldn't be opposed to two or three, provided I only have to give birth to one of them.  I am one of those ZOMG SAVE THE EARTH replacement value 2.3 kids types.  On the other hand, I would never rant and rave at Pickles or anyone else who wants a large family.  It's their choice.  I imagine Pickles kids will be fortunate that they all were wanted that much.  I also would never tell a young person who says they don't want kids "Oh, you'll change your mind, you're young".  That's so condescending and not always true.  I know I hated hearing it.

In short, I really, really miss the certainty and easy answers I thought I had in my younger days.    I am a bit thankful for the uncertainty though, it has made me a bit less judgemental.

[paperbeth]

I never wanted kids my whole life. Now at age 38, I have one beautiful little girl. She was planned from the beginning.
About 2 years ago, I found out I was pregnant when I thought I was having a misscarriage. Turns out I didn't misscary, until 2 months later.
I was truly shocked at how heartbroken I was to lose a baby I didn't even know about 2 months previously.
At that point, my husband and I decided that we did want a child after all. Six months later I was pregnant again. That time I did everything I could to ensure no misscarriage. I think I was extremely lucky, as I was considered high risk. Despite being high risk, the birth itself was text book.
My whole family is amazed that I have a kid. They never thought it would happen. I was always very vocal about how I didn't want kids. I had a million reasons.
But now I have my little girl. I don't want any more though (had my tubes tied ASAP after giving birth). I want to be able to focus my attention and energy on just one. I have a dissabling anxiety dissorder, so one kid is all I can handle.

I do remember being berated and accused of hating children all the time because I didn't want children of my own. I never hated children, I just felt that I would not make a very good parent. I was too selfish, too childish, and too young to have kids.  At that time I would have made a terrible parent. Now though, I am more mature and stable.
Many of my friends that are my same age, have also waited til now to start having kids. It's kinda cool, cause all our kids are about the same age (only months apart), so they will be able to grow up together.

[siberiansunset]

My husband and I both said we did not want to have children. Well, joyfully we were wrong (surprise baby!)! I feel retarded for ever saying I nevar wanted to have any kids. Our son is our life and we can't imagine life without him!  Alas, now I want one more. (a girl-to complete the set lmao so to speak) Don't think that will happen though, so adoption will probably become the only option. But, time will tell.

[neriana]

Not wanting kids is not "retarded", and it doesn't necessarily mean you don't think you'd make a good parent. Some of us really just DON'T WANT KIDS.

[siberiansunset]

Not wanting kids is not "retarded", and it doesn't necessarily mean you don't think you'd make a good parent. Some of us really just DON'T WANT KIDS.

I should have specified that I was only referring to myself  feeling retarded-no one else. I don't think it's retarded to not want kids-it's everyone's personal choice. I called myself retarded in jest, because everyone who knows me laughed at me when I got pregnant because they knew how anti-having kids I was. Not that I hated kids, I just thought it was too much to handle and that I wouldn't be a good parent. Naturally, I had to become a parent to understand myself better. Anyways, thought I should clarify!

[Pescado]

I was truly shocked at how heartbroken I was to lose a baby I didn't even know about 2 months previously.

I'm not really sure I see the logic behind this. Or why you would be surprised. Do you somehow have a problem with not knowing yourself? It seems to me that you are clearly mental, and if I were your husband, upon discovering this I would quietly go and have myself neutered to preclude the possibility of this coming up again. It seems you are clearly a failure at the art of war.

[paperbeth]

I was truly shocked at how heartbroken I was to lose a baby I didn't even know about 2 months previously.

I'm not really sure I see the logic behind this. Or why you would be surprised. Do you somehow have a problem with not knowing yourself? It seems to me that you are clearly mental, and if I were your husband, upon discovering this I would quietly go and have myself neutered to preclude the possibility of this coming up again. It seems you are clearly a failure at the art of war.

I love being psycho-analyzed by someone who, clearly, was raised by squidbillies.

[SoggyFox]

Yes, but by that very definition, if you don't -want- kids, then you wouldn't make a good parent, because you'd be unhappy with said kids, since you didn't want them.