More Smutty Than You: TSR's Hall of Shame

[Bliss]

I was going to get lunch, exactly 30 minutes ago, walking rather slowly since I am nursing a hangover from hell. And outside an electronics store, a child was screaming something unintelligable while the father, who was alone, and was trying to "reason" with him. Look, I don't have kids, but I know from my own upbrining what works.

What works on one kid won't work on another, though.  I could've been that father (except that I'm a woman, and I actually have no kids). I used to take care of my friend's autistic son for her while she worked.  That was my full time job, along with taking care of my home.  Most of the time he was fine, but there were errands I -had- to do.  If he had a meltdown in the grocery store, the fastest way to calm him down was to talk soothingly to him.  I may've looked like an idiot to everyone else in the world, and maybe even like I was bribing him to calm down, but for HIM, I was doing the absolute best thing possible, the fastest way possible.  These aren't purposeful tantrums, mind you, these are meltdowns that once he starts to go into, he can't help.  

Anyways, one kid, anecdotal evidence, blah blah.  It makes me more sympathetic to parents with screaming kids (unless I see them bribing the little shits), and hell, even with "normal" kids, what works with one kid won't necessarily work with the other.   The merest threat of a spanking would put me in line real fast, while my brother didn't care about that - he didn't want to lose his Atari 2600.

[Devilfish]

Kids don't actually become self-aware until they're about 2 or 3 (I may be a little off on the age here, I'd have to check), so asking them what they want is just pointless. They don't know. They have no concept of self, they can't make a distinction between themselves and the rest of the world. That barrier between 'me' and 'all the rest' only comes into play after a couple of years. It's when a kids stop referring to themselves by their name that they start understanding that they are seperate from other people and the rest of the world, and not really on a cognitive level either. They just start feeling like seperate beings. 'Tommy sad' becoms 'I am sad'. It's a pretty huge milestone for kids, one that's often overlooked or ignored. Once a kid starts referring to him- or herself in the first person, that's when they're beginning to develop the capacity to make choices, which is a pretty long process. Before that, asking them what they want serves no point whatsoever. The concept of choice is 100% alien to them.

[Yaardarm Monkey II]

just ONE reason NOT to have kids...

 

[PrincessKoriandr]

That little guy needs some fire on the ole backside.  If that was me and my mom, I would have been waking up three weeks later looking like -->

[Ry]

Kids don't actually become self-aware until they're about 2 or 3 (I may be a little off on the age here, I'd have to check), so asking them what they want is just pointless. They don't know. They have no concept of self, they can't make a distinction between themselves and the rest of the world. That barrier between 'me' and 'all the rest' only comes into play after a couple of years. It's when a kids stop referring to themselves by their name that they start understanding that they are seperate from other people and the rest of the world, and not really on a cognitive level either. They just start feeling like seperate beings. 'Tommy sad' becoms 'I am sad'. It's a pretty huge milestone for kids, one that's often overlooked or ignored. Once a kid starts referring to him- or herself in the first person, that's when they're beginning to develop the capacity to make choices, which is a pretty long process. Before that, asking them what they want serves no point whatsoever. The concept of choice is 100% alien to them.

I have to disagree. I have a 2 year old and a ten year old. At any early age, both of them were fully capable of making decisions. Do you want this or that? Which toy would you like to take? What shirt would you like to wear? They may not be mind-blowing choices, but they are choices none-the-less.
And as for the not realizing themselves as a separate person, I can't agree with that either.
I think you don't give the little guys enough credit. Eli knows full well he's Eli and not mommy. Maybe I'm not understanding your statements fully, but what I'm getting from them just doesn't swing with my personal experiences.

[Paden]

My daughter was self-aware from the get-go. She didn't say a first word, she said a first phrase, which was, "Damn cat." I blame my father for that. But, she never said her name attached to a sentence, she used proper speech right away because that's what we used with her. No baby talk allowed around my kids, please and thank you. Now my son? Hell, getting him to say much of anything unless he's good and ready is a battle. He's got the balance of a mountain goat and the grace of a dancer, but unless he's singing along to a song or making a perfectly timed remark, he's not very verbal at all.

I let him choose his clothing in the store, just like I did with his older sister but in the end, I make the final choice. But at almost five years of age, not much gets the veto from me. Food? That's a different matter. He's very finicky and that's to be expected. Certain textures make him gag. Some spices are too hot. Now and then we can get him to try new foods, like pizza with Canadian bacon, but that's rare. I won't make him go hungry, though. That happened too much to me as a kid. I have been in financial situations where buying food wasn't an option, so yes, I've known what it's like to do without. I won't put my kid through that for even one night. Why, you may ask? Because when I was pregnant with him was the time when wehad no power and had no food and no help from anyone.

[dusdeedawn]

Yeah, my family ran on some pretty hard times... well, almost always! But there was a particularly bad time <blah blah> ate our pet rabbits <blah blah> looked like third world children, and all of that. Anyhow, I feel that the way everything went down made me a pretty damn unique person and I like who I am. I kind of wish that my kid knew what that was like, because it truly was an experience like no other and it did me worlds of good. But, in truth, there's no way in hell that I would ever deny him such crucial things as food, shelter, warmth, safety, and stability. I just can't. If he's hungry, he eats. That's it. But I do have to remind him a lot "When I was your age...". However, I suspect that he likes my stories, which is quite disheartening.

[SoggyFox]

Storys are a way of delivering warnings in an interesting manner.  While your child might not pick up on it yet, it will stick with him later.  And I hear you about hard times.  My mom would make us go without when dinner was something we didn't like - if we were hungry, we'd eat it anyway.  And looking back, I know it was because she couldn't afford to make special orders for us because we were being stubborn.  We were poor, which had to be really rough for my mom, because she came from a moneyed background.

Still, there was usually good, wholesome food to eat, and a decent variety so even if we didn't like most of it, we could always fill up on the stuff we did like.  Oh, and she did use it as a punishment, too.  And I'm kind of glad it was, it meant it was easier when all I could afford was rice, or potatoes, or those cheap boxes of mac and cheese.

[Devilfish]

I have to disagree. I have a 2 year old and a ten year old. At any early age, both of them were fully capable of making decisions. Do you want this or that? Which toy would you like to take? What shirt would you like to wear? They may not be mind-blowing choices, but they are choices none-the-less.

I didn't say they don't know that a question needs to be answered. You ask them something and they'll respond because they've learned to recognise questions. But if you ask them if they would like to wear a skirt or pants, they'll just say skirt or pants without fully realising the choice involved and what the consequences of that choice can be (for example, if I wear a skirt in January I'll catch a cold). Adult decision-making is based on the knowledge that choices have consequences. This is a little bit too much for a very young child.
They have preferences, of course. They'll pick the shiny red toy over the dull grey one. But that's not because they've given the matter some thought and decided on a course of action based on the expected outcome of their choice. It's more impulse than choice.

And as for the not realizing themselves as a separate person, I can't agree with that either.

I can see how your experience would be different, every child expresses him- or herself in a different way and it isn't an obvious thing, but this is not my opinion. This is textbook stuff from my teacher training. Kindergarten teachers are expected to know these things and I've seen it repeated in several child psychology courses. It's very possible my sources aren't 100% accurate, but there must be some truth in it if it's in all the textbooks. Besides, I've worked in various schools and seen how it works. Like I said, it's possible I've been reading the wrong books, but they're college-issue child psychology books so I sort of doubt it.

Eli knows full well he's Eli and not mommy.

Well yes, he does, that's not exactly what I meant. It's that he doesn't quite grasp yet how he is connected to the world. It's why little children put their hands on stoves, it's why they eat dirt and put toys in their noses. They need to physically explore the world to dicover how they relate to it. A sense of individuality is more than knowing the difference between yourself and other people. It's understanding how the world impacts you and more importantly, how you impact your surroundings. It ties in with the concept of responsibility. We aren't born with it, just like we aren't born with a fully developed ID. It grows slowly by interacting with the world.
For example, does Eli know he's a boy? Does he really know what it means to be a boy? Is he capable of naming some differences between boys and girls? Does he know that daddy used to be a little boy? He can say that he's a boy, but that doesn't mean he fully understands what that means.
(Is that your son't name, by the way? Completely unrelated, but I absolutely love that name  )

I think you don't give the little guys enough credit.

Don't misunderstand me, I wasn't saying little children are somehow stupid for doing this. It's just how a child's mind works and develops and I happen to think it's a wonderful thing. It's not about my opinion of them. You just can't expect a 2 year old to have the mental capacities of an adult. That's just not how they think. I never meant to imply the 'adult' way of thinking is better or worse. It's just different. The human brain doesn't even stop developing like mad until adulthood and even then it slows down but never ends. So it's a bit weird to expect children, whose actual brains haven't even really begun to change that dramatically, to be able to do the same as us. We don't expect toddlers to run marathons because their bodies simply can't handle that. In the same way, we shouldn't expect them to see the world the way adults do because their brains simply haven't had the time to learn how to do it. They're fresh out of the box and have very, very little experience with the world. They literally have to start from scratch. If anything, I'm in awe at what children can learn in a couple of very short years. It's amazing.

[calalily]

But, in truth, there's no way in hell that I would ever deny him such crucial things as food, shelter, warmth, safety, and stability. I just can't. If he's hungry, he eats. That's it. But I do have to remind him a lot "When I was your age...". However, I suspect that he likes my stories, which is quite disheartening.

My Dad grew up in the Great Depression with a single mother, almost fought in WWII (the doctor that treated him for polio recognised him and refused to send him overseas at the last minute) and was involved in realisation of the Union movement here. When I was young, those stories were entertaining and exciting.  When I was young - all those twists and turns - because I didn't really understand what the real life impact would be.

Now I'm older and I have internalised them very well, and understand what he went through.  It's not the same as living through it of course, but those stories still have value for me, and I intend to make sure my children remember them too.  They will be tales of intrigue now, but they'll stay with them like they have with me.  Don't be disheartened. 

[ooglafina]

Is it just me or does the big hole in that girl's pink dress look like a bloody red eye?

[Tabby]

  Maybe my post came across wrong, my kids don't go hungry. It isn't that we are too poor to make the foods they like, I am busy during the weekdays, and I make a meal plan. I don't make 4 different dinners for all of us, I make one, if Emma wants to eat it she can. She doesn't have to eat all of it, but she does have to at least try it. If I make her macaroni and cheese, or pizza and she pulls the whole "I don't like it" mess, then yeah, she doesn't get anything different until she at least TRIES to eat the dinner I made. Usually that works and she finishes it.

  She does use food against me though, she will eat like a pig all day, and then when she doesn't want to go to sleep she says she is hungry, just to be able to get up. We have a pretty strict schedule, we have to for her ADD, and if she has already eaten I let her go to bed saying she is hungry. She isn't, she just says she is. Both of my kids are pretty chunky for their height and age, enough so that the doctor has told me to put them on a diet.

  I, too heard the stories that my parents and grandparents having a really hard time when they were growing up. Hell, we had a pretty rough go for awhile, which is why I don't take for granted that if I wanted to go to the grocery right now and spend $100 I could. We don't have to go to bed hungry, we have nice clothes and a nice place to live. I am grateful, more than I could explain.  Just today my daughter was sitting in the play room and was thanking God for all her nice toys, on her own accord. I teach my kids to be thankful for everything they have. "Please", "Thank you", "Yes ma'am/sir" are normal around here. I refuse to have my kids be those annoying little shits in the store that are kicking and screaming on the floor. (The ones who have problems and disabilities are usually a different type of fit, so I overlook them.) They both throw fits here, but that's different, they usually do that when they are way too tired.

  Sorry about the Teal Dear, I get started sometimes and ramble. 

[They]

Back to the smuttiness at hand:



Jutta is doing it wrong, yet again. 

[dusdeedawn]

Nice wedgie.

Hey, They, what the hell? No rerailing! 

[calalily]

Nice wedgie.

Wedgie *and* buttcrack.